Makia's Wife Minus the Military Part

I have to admit that I’ve fallen hard, and a little harder than I ever expected.  How do you choose between something that you have a love/hate relationship with?  In my experiences with love, I’ve found that these type of relationships are the most difficult to turn your back on because usually you are fully vested with the love portion and the hate only comes as a little sprinkle here and there.  How do you choose between something that is so good yet has enormous downfalls? What if you choose the wrong choice?  What if you regret your decision? What if, what if, what if……

Makia and I have been dancing with these types of questions for the past few months.  One minute we think we have the answer then the next second we receive a change of heart.  Makia’s military commitment will be over in October of 2013, and it is then when we will decide if he will commit to another 10 years or get out, but it is now that we will start making preparations for either conclusion we come to. 

You would think that such a major decision would be clear and cut, but that has not been the case for either of us.  The military has taught me so much in the little time that I have gotten the honor to be a part of it.  Christ being the sovereign God that He is has used the Air force as such a significant teaching tool in my life and this is why I have become so partial to this life.  The military has taught me invaluable lessons that I will forever be grateful for.  Some of those to include:

·         That there are still a lot of good people in the world.  I understand how cliché this sounds, but prior to the military, life had thrown me some surprise hardballs which had caused hardening towards people in general.  After marrying Makia, I was uprooted from Dallas and replanted in Vacaville, Ca.  I went from knowing nobody to knowing many wonderful people who deeply cared for me in a matter of months and vice versa.  Heck, one second I’m meeting two ladies and the next few months they are in the delivery room with me witnessing the birth of my first child.  One holding the laptop in one hand and a camera in the other so that my husband could watch the birth via Skype and the other wonderful lady was hunched over the railing of my bed holding my head up and counting/cheering me on while trying to keep my sister from fainting.  I later found out that the railing of the bed bruised her rib cage.  This whole scene was out of a movie and is literally one of the greatest memories I will ever have and do not feel cheating by Makia’s physical absence in the least.      

·         The power of what an encouraging word can do to somebody’s gloomy day.  Here is the catch to this lesson though, sometimes there is nothing that one can say that will make that person’s day better so on those days, just sit and say nothing with them.  Just be there.  I had many good friends do just this during my rough days when Makia was gone.     

·         The beauty of lending a helping hand.  Sometimes doing such a small task for somebody may seem small in your eyes, but will be grand in another person’s eyes.  I had a military spouse offer help at a time that I so desperately needed it.  I’ve kept her email because it means so much more than she will ever know.  I will share parts of it with you and will keep her name off of it because I haven’t asked her if I could share this with you:

“My husband is in the 22nd with Makia, and he told me the other day that Makia's deployment was extended. I know he was supposed to be home soon and can imagine how hard that news was--it just made me feel really sad for you.
So, the point of the email--I'd like to help! I'd be happy to watch your daughter for a few hours if you could use the time alone. [Husband] tells me this is odd to offer to someone who doesn't know me, but I have five kiddos and promise I'm good at babies! And my mother and sister are in town this week, so I even have lots of extra hands.) Or I could come stay with her at your place while you catch a nap or get caught up on the house or just sit and read. Or if you aren't comfortable with/don't need that, I could bring you a coffee and breakfast treat one day this week...or dinner on Thursday or Friday. Or whatever might give you a little pick me up!
Please let me know...I really would like to help!” 

WOW!!!  In case you are wondering, I took her up on the offer.  She came over for a hour and held Olivia while I got to shave my legs.  She took my daughter who at that point had been screaming for days from colic, and held her.  Olivia napped on her for that moment, and I actually got to enjoy some peace and quiet in the house.  What gets me is that she sacrificed her time away from her own family who was in town visiting to come and help somebody she didn’t even know.  This is just a glimpse of what it’s like to be in the military family.

·         Christ is always present and never forsakes you even when we think He has.  After Makia had been involuntarily extended “indefinitely, ” Christ was more present and more real to me than I had ever in my life felt.  Truth be told, he is always there like that, but we are our own worst roadblocks to Him.  At this point, I had been backed into a wall and had no choice, but to look up and rely wholly on His word and His truths.  Verses such as, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28, “for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. Philippians 2:13, “In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to put our hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory.” Ephesians 1:11-12, and lastly the verse I reminded myself of every single day, “I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13.  It was by no mistake that I had met all those nice people that had helped me.  They were there through only His planning and His prompting, and I’m just so grateful that they listened to Him.

·         What an incredible man I’ve married. I hate cheesy posts so I’ll try to keep the cheese to a mild cheddar.  Let’s face it, everyone thinks their husband is incredible or else why would they get married?  The Air force has given me glimpses into my husband’s character that I wouldn’t have gotten to see in any other work environment.  In situations where most would have crumbled, or gotten shaken, Makia stood firm in Christ.  He helped keep me grounded on days I thought I was going to lose it.  I’ll leave you with this link from one of my past blog posts so you can see what I’m talking about.    http://teamepie.blogspot.com/2011/04/letter-to-me-from-makia.html  This deployment only made me love my husband even more than I ever thought possible.  As crazy as it sounds, I’m glad he got deployed because now I see that there was a purpose for this deployment, and I also see all the beauty that has come of it.  I am madly in love with Makia and I know that this deployment has made me much more aware and grateful for the times we get to spend together.

 So why after all of this would we still consider getting out?  Regardless of what I’ve learned and what great things the Air force has brought into our lives, Makia and I still have to spend time apart when he goes on missions.  That time apart means that Olivia also has to be away from her daddy whom she adores as well.  Family time is so important to us, and we love the times that we are at home hanging out the best.  Don’t get me wrong, its not always peaches, roses, rainbows, and butterflies at our home, but despite those time, I don’t like being away from the one person who I absolutely am crazy about.  Another reason is we can’t ever plan anything because we never know if he will be around unless he takes vacation and he can’t take vacation every time a friend or relative decides to visit.  So it stinks if people are ever in town visiting and Makia can’t spend time with them because he is on a mission.  We also can’t really put down roots in one spot and grow our little Olivia.  I have such fond memories of the home I grew up in and all the cousins that surrounded me.  I want my daughter to have the same.  My childhood was enriched by having family around which brings me to my next point.   We are far away from our family and would love to be close to celebrate holidays and birthdays together.   Finally, one of our last reasons is that we love Texas and long to be there.  We both never knew what Texas fanatics we were until we were away from it.  The people are nice, the food is AMAZING, and “the skies at night are big and bright!”

After thinking for many months and praying on the subject.  The Lord has made it clear to me that I have an identity issue coupled with pride which is why I have been in such a calamity when it comes to helping Makia with the decision.  My identity has been “Military Wife” and I so proudly accepted this title the second I said, “I do” to Makia.  I not only became Makia’s wife, but I became his military wife.  For once in my life I’ve felt as though I’m actually good at something and that something being Makia’s military wife.  In my head, I’ve somewhere taken the fact that I like listening to Makia brief me on how the electrical system on the C-5 works, take pleasure in hearing him explain why you shouldn’t over-speed the flaps, get joy out of baking him goodies to take on his missions, like having a squeaky clean home for him to come to after his missions, happily have dinner on the table after his late night local flights, I take pride that I birthed a child in his absence and took care of her during her colic stage, and that I was able to get all of our living arrangements ready across the country before we ever even made the move from California to Delaware.  I forget that I would do this for my husband regardless if he was affiliated with the military or not, and even worse, I forget that it is through Christ who strengthens me that I can even do all of these things.  Somewhere along the line the word wife by itself has lost the strength without the military name in front of it which should’ve never become the case. I’ve worn that title with such a badge of honor, but I guess it’s because I have felt like we as military spouses have to endure more than the regular wife, but how warped has my thinking become? 

As a wife you are called to first and foremost be obedient to Christ.  Being obedient to Christ means that you look to your husband as the leader of your household, and that you serve your family in whatever way it need be.  After all, in Proverbs 31:10 the verse does says, “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.”  It does not say a military wife of noble character.  It simply uses the word wife and states after that, that she is worth far more than rubies.  I am simply Makia’s wife with or without the military and Christ tells me that I am worth far more than rubies.  This thought has been quite sobering to me. 

I am at ease with Makia’s decision to leave it in Christ’s hands.  After all something tells me that if I’m interested in hearing my husband explain to me his C-5 electrical system that I’d probably be just as content if he were a plumber that was explaining the sewage system of a home.  So as of now we have left the decision in Christ’s hands and are waiting to hear on what He decides for us.  Stay tuned for the answer.  This adventure we call life is so much fun and I am blessed to have a family to enjoy it with.        

We recently had the chance to go to Fifer Farms and pick some strawberries with Olivia's friend, Tyler.  His mom, Crystal, was nice enough to take some photos for us.  Olivia loved it and ate so many strawberries that she was on a sugar high the rest of the evening. Olivia didn't understand the concept of just picking the berries and not eating them prior to paying.  So I finally told her that she couldn't pick anymore strawberries.  Next thing I know, I look over and to my surprise Olivia is on her hands and knees not picking the strawberry, but biting into it.  She found a way to eat the strawberry without picking it off the vine.  Love this little girl to pieces!