Grace

                I’ve gone away from writing for a little over a year now, and I’ve missed it tremendously.  I know that I’m not the most eloquent writer, and I know that I don’t punctuate correctly.  My sentences normally aren’t pieced properly, and at times I do have run-on sentences. However, one thing I do know is that I don’t write unless there is heart and knowledge behind my thoughts.  I wish I had paid more attention to my teachers in high school, especially my English teachers. 

                At times I get pegged with mounds of regrets.  I have many decisions I have made in life that I’m not proud of, and many goals that were left as just that.  I am my toughest critic, and there are moments where I can be a complete Debbie downer.   I think of death often, not because I long for it because I don’t, but because I lost a cousin suddenly who I loved dearly.  I do my best to learn from the legacy he left of laughter, love, and family/friends.  With that said, I still have my moments where John’s legacy goes out the window and I forget how precious life is and how fleeting it is.  I’m not proud of those times.  I hate lists; grocery lists, things to do lists, prayer lists, and any other types of lists there are.  They tend to overwhelm me, and I don’t like this trait about myself.  I secretly think it drives my husband nuts because he is a list guy; a typical-A-type-go-getter which is one of the many things I admire about him.  I guess the saying is true, opposites attract.  I get plagued at the end/beginning of the year with thoughts and emotions.  Some years it’s all good, some years it’s mostly bad, and other years it’s mixed.

                Last night my eyelids forgot how to close and my brain forgot how to communicate sleep to the rest of my body.  The enemy always knows that this type of night typically breeds open doors for him.  He likes to raise havoc by supplying plenty of doubt and negativity, and I sometimes I allow myself to cling on it more than I ever should.  This morning, I asked God to help me with these thoughts.  After a sleepless night, I didn’t have it in me to crack open my bible.  The last thing I felt like doing was reading.  Ugh, and the thought arouse in me, “just another thing I don’t like about myself.”  I don’t like to read and I wish I did…I know, I know, it’s appalling, isn’t it!  However, at this point I was in dire mode of hearing something from the Lord.  I knew that if I didn’t, the type of night I had just survived would continue to pour into my day.  My heart knew I wouldn’t be able to handle the same kind of day.  At this point, I was deeply yearning to hear from Him.  So if I couldn’t read, I knew I could listen.  I decided to YouTube sermons and I stumbled upon on that Francis Chan had given a month ago.  God knew just what my soul needed to hear. 

                Jeremiah 1:5 tells us, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; before you were born I sanctified you; I ordained you a prophet to the nations.”  God delicately weaved us together and placed us in our mother’s womb knowing exactly how He wanted us to be with what traits He knew we needed to have.  This was so important for me to hear.  I needed to be reminded that HE CREATED ME!  HE created me to not like to read, to not like lists, to learn from my joys and sorrows the way I do, to love the way I do, to appreciate music as much as I do, to be who I am in this very moment.  Then in Ephesians 2:10 He reminds us that, “We are God’s handiwork (masterpieces), created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”  He has set aside certain works for us to accomplish in His name. He has solely picked me and you for certain parts in life that nobody else can carry out in the same manner.  We are all unique; we have all gone through different situations in life that has made us who we are today.   No one person is the same therefore no one person can carry out God’s works that He has set apart for us in the same way that He has intended.  Others may be able to love my children, but nobody will ever be able to love them the way I do.  Another may be able to love my husband, but nobody will be able to love him/challenge him the way I do.  I can have a million friends, but each relationship will be different from one another.  We are all different and not one of us is more than the other because He has set each and every one of us apart to create good works for Him in our very own special way.  His love is perfect, and therefore this means He loves us equally.  

                As I look into the New Year, I gaze into it hoping to fulfill the works He has set apart for me in a way that would be perfect and pleasing to Him and Him alone.  I may stumble here and there this year, but I need to remember to give myself grace because He already has.  He already knows when I will fall short, and I need not beat myself up over it, but instead learn from it.  God’s grace is abundant and sometimes I just need to remember to reach for it.  May you all have a very happy and blessed year this year, and if you beat yourself up over things like I do, I hope you too will learn to bask in God’s grace a little more.

Below you will find the Francis Chan sermon I spoke of.
                 

Basking in the Weak Moments

I've never been more sensitive to the reality of how quickly life continues to pass us by as I've become this past year. Be purposeful in the way you live, it only lasts for an all too short of a while.

I look at my two daughters and it painfully seems that their precious  innocence is quickly passing by. So fast, that the reality of keeping all the memories with me is not possible.  I've come to the conclusion that I must fully immerse myself in the present. It is the present in which we live and the present is the only time we can fully enjoy the awakened moment in which we stand. It is true that a memory can be reviewed in our heads, but it will never be as clear and as bold as the present.  Enjoy.

Enjoy the moments that are easy and beautiful, it is much more difficult to appreciate the harder ones as they are being lived. I have learned that the hard moments can often in our memories seem more beautiful as time passes. There is always a silver lining that is shown especially in our struggles if they are handled in the correct way, that way being God honoring.  So be still when you're in the midst of them, you never know who is watching you. There are a lot of lessons to be taught, and more importantly, more to be learned.

I’ve learned more about faith from watching this past year than I have ever learned in my entire life.  I’ve seen firsthand what true faith looks like, and how it is lived.  It is exemplified clearer to others when the unimaginable occurs and one stands firm in the Lord, and it is felt much more deeply by one’s self when faith is all you can rely on.  God clearly states that, “His GRACE is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness.”   If this is true, then I want to bask in the weak moments instead of pity them.  I want God’s power to be made perfect over me and my surroundings.  I want to see Him clearer with every single day that I am given.  I don’t want to become numb through life and forget my purpose here on earth.  I am not scared of the weak moments, but I am scared to live without them.  I know myself, and when everything is running smoothly in my life, I forget how desperate I am for Christ.  I think it’s my humanly nature that causes that to happen.  It’s a common theme in my life.  This life is short, but eternity is entirely too long to live apart from Christ.  I don’t want to live apart.   

Learn from others. Don't be too busy judging others reactions, mishaps, or failures. Instead, come along side and help them. If you don't know how to help, pray for them. Prayer is important, and always helps a person or a situation more than one ever realizes. Without the presence of our heavenly father, we are nothing but an empty vessel wanting to be filled by other things that can never quite quench our thirst like He can.

I hope to live this year more purposefully and boldly for Christ, and less for myself.  I knew I had to write these words for myself so I can be reminded not to pity the tough moments because sometimes I forget my purpose here on earth.  I’ve been reflecting on these things the past few months and this is the conclusion I came to.

Here are some pictures from this past weekend.  I can't believe my Olivia Grace is 3 and such a joyful 3 year old she is.  I am amazed by her heart, and how she cares about things I never thought a kid her age would.  I love that she constantly asks about Jesus, and is curious to know about Him more.  My prayer is that this curiosity will never leave her heart and that she will fall more in love with our Savior with the more she learns about Him.

My Tia Teri and her famous tortillas for breakfast

Birthday hugs with Emerson and Nana Luz

Hiding from my camera

 

 Dancing in her tutu for everyone

 Our birthday balloon tradition after nap time

 This kid loves her balloons

 Olivia's first time to have a birthday party

 Excited little girl

 So hard to take a family with both girls looking

 Look at these two...something seems funny

 Love these balloons

Emerson is growing way too fast

 Would have loved to put a shirt on Olivia, but I didn't want to ruin the moment
These two melt my heart when they play together

 

  

      

 

 

Busy Being Busy

               

           I’ve been so busy that I’ve hardly had any time for myself in a while.  With being 32ish weeks pregnant, having at least 2 doctors appointments a week, building a house, having a toddler, and company just about every week, I’ve kind of lost track of time.  I’ve missed being able to write my thoughts down, and I’ve missed all the free time that I once had.  Isn’t it funny that we always want what we don’t have?  When I was less busy, I longed to be more, and now that I’m more busy, I long to be less.  This morning, I find myself waking up at 6:30 AM with a million thoughts running through my brain.  I wanted to take a moment to catch up on life and reflect on what I see, feel, and love.

Reflection 1:  Sometimes business causes my spiritual life to suffer.  I put other things in front of Christ, and I forget that it takes me cultivating a relationship with Him to be in a good spot in my spiritual walk.  If I were to pour nothing into my relationship with my husband, daughter, or those close to me, those relationships would suffer as well.  It’s no different with Christ.  We must earnestly seek after Him with an open heart in order to have a healthy relationship.  I forget this often, and I put Him in the backseat of my life, when in reality He should be the one to come first.  It’s fitting that I would go to church last Sunday, and that the sermon would be about being caught in the business of life.  What’s even more interesting is that I recently opened my bible to 1 Kings and found myself drowning in a sea or words without being able to decipher one from another.  I quickly got overwhelmed and closed it only to move on to my next task.  Funny that my pastor would choose to preach out of 1 Kings last week and what’s even more peculiar is when I logged online to listen to a sermon, that preacher also preached out of 1 Kings.  I’ve decided to go back and read it again with a less cluttered mind and open heart to see what Christ has to say to me.  There is obviously something I need to learn out of 1 Kings.  I will be delighted to share whatever that is with any of you who are interested.   

 Reflection 2:  Time is being stolen from me right before my very eyes.  Olivia is 2 ½ already!  When did this happen and where is my baby girl?  With each passing day that goes, I find myself trying to freeze time in my head as best as possible.  I don’t want to forget what a lovely toddler she is, and how enjoyably bubbly she is to be around.  She is such a delight, and I can’t seem to get enough of her.  She makes me laugh a whole lot (purposefully), and she amazes me with her heart.  I know we all go through different stages during the course of our lives, but I am currently drowning in amazement with the daughter that God has given me because the stage that Olivia is in, is so completely heart melting.  She’s the type of kid who is concerned with others.  She will drop whatever toy she has to go give another child a hug and kiss in hopes of making them feel better when they are crying.  She sings and dances with no inhibition whenever and wherever.  She is constantly teaching me and growing me in ways I never thought.  A most recent example is how she has already started to share God’s word with others with no reservations.  She has been on this, “Jesus is coming back” kick, and she has made sure to share it with many people in the last couple weeks.  It makes me look at my life and ask, if my two year old already knows how to share parts of the gospel, then why I am not doing the same?  How many times does God put things in our hearts to share, and yet we refuse?  How is it that my two year old has become better at reaching out to others in His name?  In today’s society it is easy to become more concerned with teaching our children educational jargon rather then teaching them what’s most important, Christ.  We get more concerned with which school our child attends rather then what church.  We work with our children on memorizing the ABC’s before we ever work with them on memorizing any one scripture.  Yet most of us believe that the gospel is the word of life or we claim we do, but we don’t act like it is.  I am no different.  I am guilty of doing all of the above.  It is only recently that my eyes and heart have felt a heavy conviction to teach Olivia even more about Christ than what we have been doing already.

Reflection 3:  I am blessed beyond measure.  I get caught up on the things that I don’t have rather than the things that I do have (recently, none of which are material processions), and I forget how blessed I am.  I will leave this reflection at that because the rest is too personal to share.     

                I think I mentioned a while ago that Makia and I finally found some land here and have purchased it.  Since then, we have started designing our future home, and I am proud to announce that we are finished with the design of the floor plan.  We are in the middle of picking out things such as flooring, stones, light fixtures, windows, and whatever else makes up the house.  We went completely custom with this build, and I have enjoyed the processes immensely.  My only complaint is that when we decided to do this, I had no intentions on getting pregnant.  I’m a little nervous knowing that the same week I am due, is the same week we will start to pour foundation.  We will see how it all goes into play, but I am so excited about the house, and especially excited about our little baby girl we will get to meet shortly.  Olivia is super excited about becoming a big sister.   

 

 Trip to the zoo back in June with CG and Tia Alva.

 Makia looks like a shrimp in this picture, but I think dad and I were on a step.

 Visiting Uncle Bill's ranch in good old west Texas.

 Our funny little thing

 We got such a kick out of her outfit.

 It's always so enjoyable to be out in Balmorhea. 

 This time, Grandma Betty got to experience it with us.

 Olivia is absolutely crazy about her Uncle Bill.

 4th of July family picture

 Makia's family was nice to come in for the weekend, and not make a pregnant lady drive to Dallas.

 Daddy's girl

 It's always so hard to get this little one to look at the camera.

 The girl is heaven when she's out on the flight line.

 Visiting the Alamo

 Wow, that belly is growing!

 Taking the family out to see our land.

 Olivia inspecting the cactus.

 Boy, it was so hot that day.

 Grandma and O

 30 never looked so good.  LOL!

 One of my favorite people ever!

 Papa and Olivia before his mission to Hawaii and Japan. 

 Lucky guy!

 Sweets being Sweets

My girl and my very pregnant face!

Happy Anniversary

Today marks our 4 year wedding anniversary.  In some ways it feels like we’ve been together our entire lives, but in other ways, it feels as though we are still newlyweds.  I sometimes attest the newlywed feeling to the military because I tease him that he’s been gone half of our marriage.  I can’t believe how fast time goes by, and it’s even harder to realize how much can change in a small amount of time.  Our lives have blended together with ease, but with also many trials that have popped up along the way.  However, I am thankful for those tough times because it is in those tough times that we have grown closer to Christ and in turn closer to one another.  I don’t think I could do this life with anyone other then Makia.  I am certain that it wouldn’t have worked any other way, and I am so grateful that the Lord allowed our paths to cross. 

This year has not started off as easy as I had hoped which is why I’ve had a hard time keeping up with the blog.  My thyroid issues worsened at the start of the year and I’ve been bed ridden for the majority of the time.  However, I’m on the mend, and am so thankful for all the support that Makia has given me during this time.  I knew he would make a great husband, but I am surprised to know that he also makes a great nurse.  I don’t know how I would have survived this period in my life without his prayers and positive spirit.  Plus, I don’t think many would have been able to deal with me during this time.

Our blog was initially started as a way to keep close friends and family in the loop with our life, but it has also turned into a way for us to keep record of the highlights that occur along the way.  So today, I want to share some of those that I’ve not been able to share with you since the last time I wrote.

 

 Olivia messing with the dogs as usual.

 KISSES!!!

 

 Stretching like she does in soccer.

 San Antonio Zoo

 

 

 We've made a tradition of filling the house with balloons on her birthday.

 Mandi came for a visit!!!!!!

 One of Olivia's favorite things to do is to collect acorns in our backyard.

 We planted a garden.

 

 

 

 Yo Gabba Gabba LIVE!!!!!

 

 Makia took Olivia to fly in the simulator.  She was more interested than we had expected.

 Playing at Tia Alva's and Uncle Bill's home.

 

 

 

 

 Hanging with "CG"

 

 

 Looking at the goats with CG and Tio Herman.

 

 Hanging with family in Balmorhea, Texas.

 

 

 

 

 Easter Egg Hunt with Nana Luz

 

 

 

 Visiting the C-5 with Grandma Betty, Auntie Alice, and Babu.

 

 

 

 Olivia's newest take on a smile.

 

 

 We now own a piece of Texas!  We will be building our home here.

 

 Sea World!!!

 

 

 

 

And for those of you who are wondering why I've gained a pooch in the belly area.....

 

Olivia will be gaining a baby sister in September of this year.  We had held off on announcing the pregnancy since I had been terribly sick.  The doctors had expected that I wouldn't make it past the first trimester, and here I find myself in my 20th week of pregnancy.  It is evident that God has had other plans for this little girl.  We are extremely excited, and I am blessed to be able to share in this life with Makia.

 

I love you Makia and HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!!!!