Postpartum my foot!

Sometimes life can be so lonely. I could have a million people surrounding me right now, but I would still feel so alone. It seems like most who I conversate with these days never have the right words to say. Their words usually leave me even more frustrated than where I was before. I get phrases like:

Just think, it could always be worse.
My thought: Just because it could be so much worse doesn't make what I'm going through right now that much better.

Everything happens for a reason.
My thought: No it doesn't! We live in a fallen world and some of the crappy things that occur happen because of people's stupid decisions. We have free will.

Don't worry, Makia will be home soon.
My thought: Really? I could have sworn he was supposed to be home by now. What makes you think he will be home soon?

It's ok, the time will go by fast.
My thought: It may go by fast for you, but to me, every second seems like an eternity.

Just stay positive.
My thought: Isn't that what I've been doing?

Sometimes I wish I could just say, "Please, just stop talking." Instead I'm left giving an empty smile and politely saying, "I know." You see, I am aware that I am merely being sharpened right now, but it doesn't mean I have to like it. I know God is growing me, but it doesn't mean I have to love the process. When I'm going through troubles, I wish people would just be real and say things like, I know the stuff you are undergoing sucks and I am sorry. Maybe words like, you are doing such a great job with the way you are dealing with all of this mess, would even work. If you don't know what to say, why say anything at all? I refuse to act like I have it all together and under control, when I know I don't. I'm ok with being a mess and every now and then I welcome it. The reason I'm ok with feeling like this is because amongst it all, deep down, I know that He is holding down my fort.

I have tried my best not to complain because I know that it could always be much worse. I think about the army woman who will go up to two years without being with her husband, and much worse, I think about the widowed woman who will never see her husband again. How can my ordeal even pale in comparison? However, every now and then it feels good to vent. Does my venting mean that I have postpartum? No. Does my venting mean that I am undergoing spiritual warfare? No. Sometimes my venting is merely a coping mechanism. All I really want is an ear to listen and a word or two of affirmation that I'm doing a good job, and then we can move on. I don't think that is too much to ask.

I don't understand why it has been so shocking to everyone to hear that I am sad because I dearly miss my husband's presence. Is it really that far fetched to think that one could actually love their husband so much that they could get sad at the thought of him not returning home when expected? Has society really gotten that bad that we can't even start to understand what its like to miss your significant other without it being labeled some sort of depression and doctors thinking you need some sort of medication to help deal? Come on, people! The truth is that there is only one remedy for my sorrow, and that is my husband's return. Until then, I will just press. I don't need to be fixed for I am fine with where I currently am. With each day that goes by, I am increasingly growing tired of hearing everyone elses solution for this problem. I know the solution, I have the answer, and until then, I am patiently waiting. I do appreciate the concern, but I am just fine right where I am.

Makia, I strive to be more like you. I love how content and easy going you are with life. Your relationship with Christ and the ease that comes from it is amazing to witness. We could all use a little of that in ours. I admire your honesty, and how it in turn helps keep me honest. I am madly in love with you, and with every day that I have, I am so honored to be your wife. I look forward to another year with you! In the two years we have been married, I am so incredibly grateful that we have at least gotten to spend 25% of it together. ;) I love you so much! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, AND HAPPY EASTER!